Dear Friend,
Do you ever feel the need to look back on activities and events and say “this was good” or “that was bad”? I think I get caught up in that sometimes, trying to say a destination or a hike or something like that was one or the other. But I think most things are neither or both. They are somewhere in between. And making the judgement between good and bad doesn’t really add anything to your experience or memories. In fact, I think it kind of cheapens the human existence a bit and ignores nuance.
In the winter of 2021 and 2022, we were traveling full time in our fifth wheel and bouncing between thousand trails resorts in Florida. Fifth wheels and thousand trails are pretty ubiquitous for families who travel full time. I thought we would meet a lot of other families and relax a bit, but also have fun.
When I think back on that time, I think about being sad, and feeling a little lost. I had quit my job in August and we had gotten on the road somewhat suddenly, plans in Florida made somewhat last-minute. Our startup wasn’t going to start up. I was bored and lonely. The community of full time families we encountered in Florida that year seemed like they were not really looking for new friends. No one was outright rude to us. It just wasn’t easy like I thought it would be.
We weren’t really camping at all in the ways we like and hiking was pretty non-existent in the areas of Florida we were in. I tried to paddle board in a river once, alligators be damned, but it was running so low I kept having to just walk. Every time we tried to get out and adventure, it just felt underwhelming or hard. Plus, it felt like we weren’t really moving, but we had to move at least every two weeks. All of the hassle, but less of the fun. To top off our time in Florida, our fifth wheel was hit on I-4 on the day we were trying to leave.
I’m tempted to say, and probably have said, that this was a “bad” winter. But then I remember all the great and fun things we did that winter into spring. We went to our first Tampa RV show with friends, which was surprisingly fun. We went to Fort Wilderness and Disney World with family and hung out multiple times at Disney Springs with friends. We love Disney, these were incredibly happy times.
We found quiet moments. I landed a job that ended up being a catastrophe but was good and fun at first. A new challenge. We swam as often as we could. We spent a week in our favorite area of St. Augustine, going to the beach and restaurants and the climbing gym. We revisited a great county park in Jacksonville and a dear friend visited us there. Our kids did make some friends at the campgrounds and rode bikes and played gaga ball.
I was so excited to go do all the things, I forgot to just slow down and enjoy. My mental state was a bit fragile being without a job for the first time since high school. But, it wasn’t all bad. In fact, it was also very very good. Trying to classify things as all one thing short changes both sides. If I said, “it was great” and ignored the hard parts, I might fail to plan a better winter if we go again. If I said, “it was awful” and ignored the good parts, I’m robbed of those great and happy memories or they are at best tainted.
Life is beautiful and complex and we don’t need categories for things all the time. Things often are not really good or bad, they just are. School was hard and challenging and also fun and rewarding. Most jobs I have had have been similar. Same with relationships. All these things exist at once. Saying something was difficult doesn’t negate all the good parts. Talking about things you would do differently doesn’t mean that everything is wrong. Let’s leave some room for nuance, friend. Let’s enjoy the full complexity of being weird little humans.
See you down the road,
Jamie
Over the years I’ve realized that when I look back at things they become better with time. I can laugh or don’t even remember the bad parts. They just aren’t “bad” anymore. Maybe they never were bad. Maybe they just were another part of the experience.
Now that I’m semi retired I’ve really mellowed out. After not doing anything for 18 months I now have a part time job teaching. I love it. I’ve always liked teaching but now I’m really having fun. Perhaps ivy hanged my perspective. Before teaching was in addition to my full time job and it got to be too much. Now I have the time to really enjoy it.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I agree that no matter what I felt at the time, now, most of it is just not that big of a deal. I survived and moved on.
Disclaimer: some things are a big deal, like the death of my life partner after 14 years together. I was devastated and it took years to recover but again I survived. Some life events change everything about us and who we are. While what happened was devastating, it’s still just another part of life.
I’ve learned to appreciate it all for what it is. Kind of like the weather in Kansas, sometimes too hot and sometimes too cold, but we always have the next season to which we can look forward. And wow do we ever appreciate those perfect days!