The Letdown

The feeling of the not-quite-end of something

At least our AirBnB in Columbus had an awesome game table

Dear Friend,

How do you feel at the end of a trip? Is there always a bit of letdown for you? There is for me for sure. There’s so much energy and momentum, but when all the fun stuff is over and all that’s left are chores and the long drive home, it’s like I’ve run out of the will to do anything.

In this instance, it’s been complicated by a not-so-great return trip to Jackson Center for Airstream service. We were scheduled to have some structural issues fixed, but needed more work than we originally thought. When we arrived to pick up the rig, the thermostat was still disconnected and some of the other work was incomplete. All of our things were moved and piled messily around the rig. We were frustrated and tired as we spent hours making things at least sort-of right.

And everything is fine. The Airstream is mostly fixed, things still mostly work. I’m just mourning the end of our trip before it is even here. I’m sad about a thing that hasn’t happened yet. I’m looking forward to our house and the lovely town we have chosen as our home. I’m ready to be there. And also, I’m a little sad that we won’t all be spending so much time together soon, that we’ll be off doing our own things and we’ll all settle into routine and normalcy.

The ends of things are hard for me. Part of it is the neurodivergent struggle with transitions that makes inertia so strong. Part of it is this feeling of loss and never having the same thing back again.

Now that I’m writing this out I’m not sure that letdown is the right word, but I’m not sure what is. But what I am talking about is the feeling of something being almost-over. It’s the last day of summer camp or last week of ski season or when the cruise ship points back to port. It’s the feeling of trying to grasp the bits of joy as they fly past while preparing for things to be different. Steeling yourself for the jolt of “reality”. Sometimes I’m so unsettled by this feeling that I tend to rush through the ends of things. Speed up the plans to get home quicker, try not to get too invested at the end so I don’t have to be as sad when it’s over. Sometimes I just freeze, unable to move forward.

Freezing won today as I laid on my unmade bed, contemplating how to move forward, all the things I could and should do… doing none of them. What do you do when you find yourself in this letdown phase in order to get out of it? I’m not sure, yet, but I think it involves food, probably. And rest. And reminding yourself that there are still very fun and good things ahead.

We’re heading west. We’ll be home soon. That is bittersweet. It’s okay to let it be bittersweet, I think. Maybe we should just embrace that in-between.

See you down the road,

Jamie